The Beginning

So here I am, writing a new online diary after my old friend got shut down.  It’s been a long time and a lot has happened.  Unfortunately, none of it has been good.  Well, there have been good here and there but ultimately the negative has ruled out the positive.  So I got into a car accident and I luckily don’t remember anything about that part, but I had been drinking and they caught me for a DUI.  My second one.  I had one almost 6 years ago and was on my way to getting it off my record but stupid me had to be insistent that I drive home when I knew I was tired.  Luckily no one else was hurt or in the car with me.  I woke up in the hospital and had a few lacerations and a fracture that a surgery would have to be required.  I ended up with about 2 months of crutches which was all new to me.  Let me tell you, I will never take for granted the fact that I have all my limbs intact.  I ended up taking 3 months off work and had a lot of depression, anxiety, guilt, worry, and just about every emotion you could think of on the lower end of the spectrum.  Now that I’m back on my feet and am about to go to work in a week, I realize this is only the beginning.  Now that I’m “healed” I have a whole other shit storm to deal with.  Court dates, probably jail time, community service, and alcohol classes…all over again but worse this time.  I know I’m lucky to be alive and that I have mostly good health besides a little soreness leftover where my body was fractured, and I’m lucky I didn’t kill anyone because that would be a lot worse, but I also can’t help but feel hopeless about the future and if I’ll be able to be strong enough to handle it.  I’m lucky my family and boyfriend are so supportive of me, I can’t imagine where I’d be without them.  I’m just scared and there’s nothing they can really do about that.  So that’s my deal.  There’s a lot more to come and it feels good to have an outlet to really express how I’m feeling and get all this stuff out. 

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