You might be laughing, thinking this is impossible. Claustrophobia in an open space? How come?
If you have all the confidence and courage in the world, and never receive questions and judgments from others regarding your every move, action, word, and every piece of clothing that you wear – practically all your mortal life, then congratulations. That means you’re unlikely to suffer from claustrophobia caused by this social stigma.
This is more than just avoiding going into elevators or deep, dark caves in the mountains. This is about constant, mental asphyxiation – that often starts with a pair of nosy, hungry eyes boring into you, even from a distance. All because they’ve got nothing better to do that you’re the one who somehow have to pay.
You wonder if what you’re wearing that day is okay. Day and night when you’re all alone out there, you always feel the need to look over your shoulder. Are you really safe? Is someone following you, waiting for you to let down your guard before a possible ambush? Is your pepper-spray reachable inside your pocket or bag, your taser ready with enough battery?
You just want to be left alone; why won’t they get it? Why do they have to keep calling you, whistling at you, blocking your way – anything to get you to stay? Why on earth is it always about what they want? Why do they get off from making you feel uncomfortable, intimidated, scared?
Should you start taking up martial arts? Then again, what if you’re still outnumbered? Some awfully, God-forsaken beasts out there – perhaps way too many already – are such cowards. To them, the more the merrier. They do it because they can – and that they want to. They feel entitled to.
They think that’s what makes a (real) man.
Still, this feels like the world is still on their side. If it happens to you, they still blame you for everything. What were you wearing? What were you doing on your own out there? You should’ve had a company with you. Always.
In other words, they still think it’s your fault. They compare you to precious jewels that should be safely kept in a deposit box somewhere, no free will of your own. An asset, a mere object instead of a person…or a human.
They don’t speak much of those monsters who still think they’re men. Perhaps they’re also cowards. Oh, they were just drunk…they couldn’t help themselves. You know, being guys and all…She just happened to walk by and that sick, twisted idea came to mind…
She was only 14. Still, this isn’t about her age. Nobody deserves this.
Then she died and they treated that as their glory, sneering at the face of the media. All because she was walking home alone from school – in her uniform – and their already intoxicated brains just came up with that sick idea. Another one too many…
Yes, you are angry. You are not going to pretend everything is still okay anymore. If they have a problem with you being this angry, then they should give you one reason, at least, why you shouldn’t be. Tell you why you shouldn’t be feeling this way…
(Jakarta, 3/5/2016 – 11:45)