Yesterday Matthew had a meltdown because he couldn’t decide whether to sit in the front seat of the car or the back seat. I told him either was allright. Turns out he needed a definite decision made for him. He is 15 now. He began to curse himself and talk about killing himself. I was alarmed because we were parked in a driveway waiting for his caregiver to come, and there was a rather busy street just below us. I had a “flash” image of Matthew running out into the street. He was flinging himself around and I was scared. I prayed to God for help. I told Matthew he needed to calm down. And he said, “I can’t help it.” I believed him. He did gradually calm down and I am thinking again that his meds need changing. Now it is 2:53 a.m. and I am awake writing this. My heart is heavy. Maybe my daughter is right and he needs to be in a secured environment. I didn’t want him to have to go away again. But now I don’t know. I do want him to be safe! Dear Jesus…..I am all out of words now…help me and my family through this ongoing crisis, please Lord.