Yesterday Matthew had a meltdown because he couldn’t decide whether to sit in the front seat of the car or the back seat.  I told him either was allright.  Turns out he needed a definite decision made for him. He is 15 now.  He began to curse himself and talk about killing himself.  I was alarmed because we were parked in a driveway waiting for his caregiver to come, and there was a rather busy street just below us.  I had a “flash” image of Matthew running out into the street.  He was flinging himself around and I was scared.  I prayed to God for help.  I told Matthew he needed to calm down.  And he said, “I can’t help it.”  I believed him.  He did gradually calm down and I am thinking again that his meds need changing.  Now it is 2:53 a.m. and I am awake writing this.  My heart is heavy.  Maybe my daughter is right and he needs to be in a secured environment.  I didn’t want him to have to go away again.  But now I don’t know.  I do want him to be safe!  Dear Jesus…..I am all out of words now…help me and my family through this ongoing crisis, please Lord.

2 thoughts on “Puzzled”

  1. Bless you! I am so glad to get your comment, dear. You are right and your words encourage and strengthen me. It is so good to know another believer online. I will take your words to heart and be strong and trust the Lord. Love to you. Lynn

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