I’ve been home from work a little over an hour now…it’s my Friday night and as usual I’m alone except for Maggie…I spent at least 90% of my life alone now that I’m working nights…it gives me way too much time to think…I’m so tired of my own thoughts…most of them are never articulated out loud because there’s no one here to listen…Sometimes when I’m watching the news I talk to the tv or my tablet…as if the politicos can hear me debate with them…I know I sound a bit insane…I know I feel insane when I catch myself doing it….anyone listening to me might think I’m an escapee from the psych ward. I wonder if prisoners in solitary confinement for long periods of time talk to themselves too..crazy.
The thoughts in my head are mostly about you…time keeps rushing forward at warp speed..it seems 2016 just got here but its mother’s day already…its starting to get hot out during the day…its only going to get hotter and I’m still driving around with no ac. The Lexus has about 300,500 miles on her now…I need a new car badly but budget and sentiment keeps me from acting on it…I can still see you in the passengers seat…i still remember vague details of our trip to pick it up…I can see snippets of us at the car wash…we had to wait in line for quite a while if I remember correctly…I remember the transmission fluid leaking on the way home….I remember stopping for lunch at a soup and salad joint…I have all of of these files in my head….a gazillion snapshots with you in them…I remember things I’d forgotten about until now…its like my brain is saying hey look what I found….it’s beautiful torture… it’s been over five and a half years and I think about the distance between us growing with every day that passes…yet I’m still so in love with you it seems like yesterday…I want you back…I want our life together back…I want our future back….I want to grow old with you….

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