It’s Mothers Day!!!
And i got this Damn Feeling.. damn things running in my head!
When will i be ever bear a child? When will a child call me his mom??
Well, how could that ever be possible, if my husband is not making love with…. Damn!! I think it would by half a year now when we had our last sexual intercourse! Damn! Maybe i am not that attractive to him anymore.. Damn! Are we a married couple? Or are we just a very close friend now??
What’s wrong with me?? Ok. I admit it. I dont do seductions. It is not my thing. When we are still a bf-gf, everytime we sleep together, he always start the fire.. he always do the first move. And everymoment is so awesome, magical, full of love and lust.. and NOW what has has happen.. 6 months of having no intimate moment together??? DAMN! Did he still looks at me as his wife???
there are times when i tried to make the first move.. and everytime i did it.. I WAS A BIG DAMN FAILURE.. i ended up crying on my own.. i ended up so frustrated.. i ended up doing it on my own! Damn!!
Why would i wanted it so bad?? Because i wanted to have children.. i wanted us to become a complete family.. i wanted to bear child.. i wanted someone to call me MOM!!!
And now, it is my fertile days.. and where is he? At this very moment?? OUTSIDE!! chitchatting with his family and friends.. AND I AM LEFT HERE ALL ALONE.. DOING IT ON MY OWN!! Watching pors and making my own orgasm!! I am starting to hate myself in this aspect of married life… what is wrong with me..
I SO HATE THIS DAMN FEELING!!