It is lonely to be alone even if you have a company.

Yes there is he, beside me. But why do I feel so alone still. I am living in his house beside his family’s house. My mom and dad were living separately abroad. My two siblings has their own family. I have a husband but doent have any children. I have friends but too far from home. All i can thank for is i have this two little shitzu who is loving me and accompanying me unconditionally.

I am feeling lonely because of sooo many things. But i dont have anyone to tell it out. To comfort me as i cry. I want to shout but no voice would like to come out. I have things circling my mind that wanted to explode. I want to cry, but i have to wait until he is deeply aslept so that when i cry he wouldnt see or hear me. Because i know it my tears wont bother him. Why did the Lord let this happen to me. Why is he abandoning me. Sometimes i just wanted a gunshot in my head.

P.S. Lord, if you are angry with me, please do not prolong my agony.. just take my life, it is yours. Please dont break my heart gradually.. please dont tear it little by little.. just take my breath and take my tears. You know i cant and i wont do it myself.. 


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