First step to helping anxiety

I need to do this. I need to help get my mind clear. I am going to loose the people I love if I don’t get help. I enjoy being on my own way too much! I feel like I do not know my personality anymore, one day I will like something the next day not. I am so confused! I feel more confused now than I did when I was in my teens, I thought life would get easier as an adult, but it hasn’t. Nathan is away for the week for work and I feel I do miss him, but I have really enjoyed being by myself, but how long will this last? Surely I can’t enjoy being alone all my life? Life is just passing by and I am just surviving, I am not living. Back to work tomorrow after a few days off, although I love my job I feel it is time for me to move on and do something with my degree. Gary is texting me still. I really feel he is as confused about his life than I am about mine, but the thing is I feel I can’t talk to him about it as he seems to get pleasure from hearing when I have problems with Nathan, I do not want to give him that satisfaction. I am hoping keeping a diary again will help with my anxiety, I feel I have all these thoughts in my head and sometimes it gets overwhelming. Writing it down seems to clear things up slightly. 

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