So Why Not?

Well? I used to write my thoughts down in one continuous Word document at work, as it was the only place I could get things out in the most pure, raw form possible. Straight from the heart. Always kind of a scary thing as the heart is the home to some of our deepest thoughts, contemplations, dreams, desires, and incriminating evidence we don’t want to get out. Anyway, I was going to start a blog, but found this instead. Even better. I don’t care if people read or not. Maybe if they do, I can help someone or be a friend or be something more than what I feel on a daily basis.

I’m far away from home right now in a place I don’t want to be, and it sucks. It sucks a lot. There is little freedom, I hate the food, my job, and my roommates. I seem to always get the shaft where roommates are concerned. I’m living with 4 other girls, 3 of whom work nights. Why the heck would they put us all together in one room? Put the night shifters in a room, and the day shifters in another. Common sense, people. It’s not hard. I feel alone 99% of the time, and can’t seem to make real friends no matte how normal I try to be. It’s kind of pathetic actually. I’m single, getting older, and my last relationship blew up in my face and left me insecure, an emotional mess, pathetic (again), clingy, and needy. Everything NO ONE wants to deal with. And then when I find someone I like, I’m told, “I’m insecure and still need time alone.” Ouch. mmk.

No, this isn’t a life bashing post, it’s just the start. I’m on a journey to discover a lot about myself while I’m here. I don’t want to always be this way. I’m working towards being content. Not happy, as happiness is found everywhere, but content. It’s harder to come by. That’s all. I’m no where near perfect, I’m broken, but I’m slowly picking up the pieces.

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