Does the Spark Exist?

Does this spark people say they feel when they met the someone they want to be with exist. Can it just switch off? I wonder this as i sit here trying to work out why my boyfriend of over a year walked away. He said work but i moved work and hours to spend more time as couple and actually get out of the house. He then said the spark had gone. Is that just an easy way out? Or does it generally happen. Or do i make poor choices? 

I used to believe in the fairy tale of love, marriage and happy endings but now i think its something parents used to tell you to give you hope. Hope that there is someone out in this wide world who would not make you change your body or hair or tattoos and sweep you off your feet and love you for who you are on the inside.

Then you grow up and love isnt what they told you it would be. You met someone who finds a place in your  life and makes you think maybe just maybe hes the one. Then bang, you get hurt, left wondering what the hell went wrong. You start wondering is it me. Maybe i should change myself to make them stay. 

I never thought after previous relationships i would let someone in and care as much as i do. It breaks my confidence in my self and the faith i have that maybe i could find someone who would love me for me. I feel alone i cant explain my feelings to my family or friends. I bury it and after time i feel numb, numb from the pain and heartache i take with me everyday. I get upset and want someone to talk to and then it hits me like a ton of bricks i cant text cos hes gone. Family drama, good day, good news. Who do i have when he was my best friend and lover. Writing to an empty cyber space. with the hope someone reads this and can answer my questions. 

i heard a line from a song my sister was playing its called i hate you i love you by gnash

Feeling used
But I’m
Still missing you
And I can’t
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips

And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can’t seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you



One thought on “Does the Spark Exist?”

  1. If his excuse was “work” its not you! Something is up with him that he is not mentioning. I used to think i needed to change things about myself then i thought wait I’m the shit! lol My previous boyfriend cheated on me with a broke ass bitch smh. But ohhh look who is calling to try to win me back. i know now if he is not your friend first then it won’t work. When you take your time and truly get to know someone you are interested in you will make a better decision. You shouldn’t have to change yourself or him things should just flow. If it doesn’t flow it doesn’t go! Trust the vibes and do not ignore flags! Easiest way to get over it is make new male FRIENDS!

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