Day 79 – Today has been better

Saturday, May 14th 2016

I went downstairs after waking up, my cat not in mind for once.

“Is that [my name]?” My mom asked.

“Yes.” My dad answered.

“Are gonna tell; it has to be done.”

I sat down on the couch as I normally do, feeling sick. My dad came to tell me hi and I answered, then he left to call the vet.

“Hey, we didn’t get an answer yet about Picolo. He hasn’t been feeling better and getting worse.”

A little relief. Not the best relief, but not “he’s dead”. I’m good for now.

My parents came to sit in the living room and they started talking about shopping. It suddenly went silent.

“[my name]…” My heart began beating rapidly again. I gave her a sound of aknowledgement. She didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, then : “We have to go shopping, get some shorts, summer clothes.”

“Okay.” I answered, almost sighing. I was looking at my phone. Probably why she took so long to tell me is because she thought I wasnt listening.

Time goes by and the day gets better.

I go in a call with my friends, Kohai and my online one. We talk for a while and attempt to play Minecraft, but the server kept crashing over and over, so when Kohai left, we just gave up. Other than YouTube, those two have had me going the past few days with their endless smiles and jokes, and my new found love of roasting Kohai’s sister. She hates me so much, haha. I’m not a mean person, but it’s fun to be mean to someone as long as they now we’re all buddies anyway.

Speaking of YouTube, I’ve been watching a lot of vegan based videos. I’m kinda thinking of being one, but then again I’m not too sure. I need to plan some more, make sure that’s what I wanna do, plus, it’d be better to start when I’m shopping for my own groceries, but the problem is that might be years later. I just want to be healthier and I don’t like how the industries treat animals. I’m not satisfied with the way I look or the way I feel. I want to be capable of running without gasping for air. I plan bicycling a lot more now. I miss that.

For my cat, he seems to be doing a little better, but we don’t know what the results are yet. At this point after visiting him so many times and not being able to pull away, but crying so many times that I just can’t anymore, I’ve come to some term of acceptance if he does die. I love my cat; he’s the best. I’ll miss him if he does, but all I want is to be able to show him affection in his last moments and not make the same mistake with my two grandfathers. The first one I was too young to really understand death, I was about ten maybe, and the second one I kept saying to myself “he won’t die” and didn’t spend time with him like I should’ve. I just don’t want to make the same mistake again.

But overall I’ve been better, I had my friends and other cat (which I actually thought Picolo would outlive (if he does die) cause he’s a lot older) to keep me company. Oh, I went shopping today and my mom got frustrated with me cause I’m so picky with my clothes. I do try what she gives me, but they just don’t work for me. We never find something where we go, so I told her we usually find clothes when we go further away, like Kanata.

Anyway, what matters is emotionally, things are better.

Oh, there’s also the support of PrettyInBlack and savedbygrace. Thanks a lot for the kind words of hope 🙂 They’ve helped me feel a little better, and helping others is what we need more of in this world.

That’s all for today.

One thought on “Day 79 – Today has been better”

  1. Your description of shopping with your mother is basically me and my mom. I like shopping with her, but every time she says “you could wear this!” I shake my head “no,” and she finally asks me why I wanted to go shopping if I wasn’t going to buy anything.
    And really, I’m glad you seem to be feeling a bit better today, and I still pray that Picolo will get better soon.

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