Well today’s blog is not going to be anything like the rest of them. You will find out why I say that in just a few seconds as you read. Let me just sum it up right quick before I go into detail. Well… my brother is currently in the hospital. That’s the summed up version and now to say the detailed version.
I was sitting on my porch reading and drinking water. I just wanted to relax and read until my brother came outside and got on his bike. I didn’t think anything of it and I just kept to my own business and read. Out of the corner of my eye I looked up for a very slight second and I saw him coming back up the driveway. He was kind of struggling because we have a fairly steep driveway. I looked back down and the next second I saw a very small glimpse of my brother flip backwards as he was coming up the driveway. At that moment I looked up from my book and I saw him stand up with a blank expression and I’m pretty sure we just stared at each other for about thirty seconds before he sat down. My older brother then came outside and got on his bike and drove around. By that time I was back into my book because I thought everyone was okay so I didn’t worry about it. Five or so minutes passed and my older brother went back in and I guess at some point he told my mom because a few minutes later my mom came outside and say “ben why are you laying on the ground?” at that point I looked up and saw my brother actually lying on the ground. My mom walked down our steps and walk to my brother.
In the next moment my mom was shaking my brother more fiercely and I closed my book to see what was going on. I didn’t know at the time but my brother was unconscious. I looked at my mom’s face and she was red and she was crying and we made eye contact and she told me to get my father.
My heart dropped instantly because one of the absolute worst feelings is seeing your mom cry. I got up and opened the door to tell my dad that my mother wanted him and I’m pretty sure he got the message when he heard my mom because he got up pretty quickly. He then proceeded to walk down the steps and go to my brother just like my mother had. He was curious of what was going on. You could see the curiosity in his eyes. He didn’t take his eyes off my brother for a good bit of time and he said “ben, get up”. He proceeded to repeat the question and by that time my entire family was out there and my brother was still unconscious. In the next moment my father was back inside our house and he was calling the hospital. My older brother called my aunt to come down and help and then there was me. Confused and shaking. All I knew is my brother was unconscious and my mother is crying.
A few seconds later my aunt was at my house. I imagined she was speeding to get to my house because it was impressive at the rate in which she got there. My father looked me in my eyes and told me to get some cold rags. So in the next second I ran to the back of my house where my laundry room is located. I tore through all the baskets of clothes and found two rags and I then ran to my kitchen and soaked them both in cold wet water. I rushed hose out to my father and he laid them on my brother’s head. My brother was still unconscious and I then went and got one more cold wet rag. I’m a very fast runner when I’m focused and I promised I haven’t moved so swiftly in a long time. I felt like a feather in the wind. I then rushed yet again to my father and handed it to him.
My brother’s bike was beside him and I knew the ambulance was coming so I lifted that bike like it was a piece of paper. I don’t know how I did it. It was like in that moment I was invincible and I could do anything. I lifted the bike over my head and put it about fifteen feet away. I then just stood there as the ambulance arrived. I didn’t know what to do or say. My mother was still crying and I could see the sorrow in her eyes. I don’t think I could ever forget that moment as I looked at my mother crying. I have a memory from when I was five and my mother was sitting there on the porch crying. These memories are so clear and it seems like I remember the bad memories over the good.
I watched the ambulance people shake my brother like my father and mother had. I saw another doctor hand my dad a clipboard and told him to sign something. They then put a neck brace on my little brother and put him on a stretcher. I kind of took a few steps backwards and I remember how I was feeling in that moment. In that moment I couldn’t feel my body. My mind was buzzing and I couldn’t keep a train of thought. My hands were shaking immensely in that moment and I looked at my brother and I silently started to cry. The thing about me is I don’t cry. It takes a lot to get me to cry and I’m VERY strong with my emotions. I simply just don’t cry. But in that moment I started to cry. No one saw me because I just started to pray under my breath. I prayed so much within that time period. I remember when I was searching for a rag I looked in a mirror and just started praying. I didn’t know what else to do.
I stood there and watched them put my brother in the back of that truck and I just stared for a long while with a blank expression on my face. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know what to say. I mean what do you say when you watch your brother unconsciously being driven away in an ambulance? I swear it makes you speechless. Minutes turn into seconds and hours turn into minutes. Time flies by when things like this happen.
I walked back into my house and in that time my mother when with my brother and it was only me and my father and my older brother. My dad was getting ready to leave also and he was getting his things ready. We all knew nothing about what was going on so it was very silent in my house. Nobody said a word and nobody made eye contact. I walked to my bedroom and closed my door. I heard from a far my dad closed the car door and left without saying a word to me.
I sat down in my chair and did the only thing that I know how to do. I turned on sad music and drifted away in an endless verbal ocean. I sang like I always do and I played my piano with passion. I did that for a very long time and then I decided to take a shower to ease my thoughts. My head wanted to explode and I needed to leave far away and not come back. So I took a 2 or so hour shower and I just tried to become at peace. It didn’t work very well but the shower was very nice. I got out and started texting my best friend. She was the first person that I texted of course. I had to.
Time passed like nothing and the next thing I know was it was 7 at night and I needed to make dinner. So I turned on the stove and made myself dinner. My house was very quiet and it still is. I went in my bedroom and tried to get everything off my mind so I texted my best friend in hope to have one of our great conversations. Well that didn’t work and now something is happening with her and I have no idea. She couldn’t say anything and the only thing she said was “I can’t talk”. So this is great. My brother is in a hospital and he has to stay the night and nobody is telling me anything about him and on top of that something is happening to my best friend.
I did not expect my day to be like this and I’m just ready to go to church in the morning with my brother. I need church so bad right now and I would love to be able to skip tonight and just go to church. Today has been the worst day that I’ve had literally all year. I have been going through a lot of crap so I’m glad this all comes along to top it all off like a cherry in ice-cream.
It is currently 9:39 at night and I’m probably going to stay awake all night because I don’t think I can sleep.
Well… that is about all for today. I will keep yall updated as I continue with my journey throughout life.