May 16th

What can I say about my recent leave of absence? I could say that it was fulfilling, busy, interesting, or at the very least, productive. But, I have a very firm belief that you should only lie to the reader when you’re out of compelling material to share. And while nothing of particular interest occurred, it’s come to my attention that I don’t even have an audience to lie to in the first place. Yes, my entries are as unread as the Terms of Service Agreements we all know and loathe. But that’s okay. This is nothing more than an outlet for me to spill myself, my genuine self, onto paper so that I may have some proof of my own existence. I am here, even if no one else is, and that’s just fine.

In the last two or more weeks that I’ve been away, I’ve celebrated my 24th birthday. It was spent trolling the mall with my family before heading home relatively empty handed. I spent next to no money on myself, despite having the money to do so, but my mother did buy me some very nice, very expensive chocolates, and some bright blue hair dye. The chocolates were delicious. Protip: If you’re going to get me a gift, I insist that you make it an inexpensive one. But if you’re determined to spend a ridiculous amount of money on me, do so with Godiva chocolates. The strawberry cremes are my favourite. Anything without actual pieces of fruit is a pretty safe bet.

I also managed to book a hotel, a nice little 4 star resort in Orlando, for my fiance’s birthday. It was an expensive purchase, but I don’t regret it. Now, all I have to do is wait for the tickets for Universal Studios to go on sale or something, and we’ll be ready to go. (Sorry, Love. I’d bring you the moon with my own two hands if you asked me to. My love for you is as deep as the ocean. My bank account, however, is a little shallow at the moment.) This trip seems to finally be coming along.

Other than that, I’ve pretty much stayed home and fulfilled my household duties. We recently installed the window AC units, and for no apparent reason. Usually, the month of May is quite warm. And my birthday, being at the very beginning, is usually quite sunny and even hot. Still, it’s halfway through the month, and I don’t think a single day has even reached 75. It’s alarming. April was so warm and pleasant, but May has been days on end of torrential rain and chilly temps. We even installed new blinds. For the six months, we’ve been without. My idiot cat tore down the last set. Sometimes, she gets very still. This is a warning sign, because Dandy is never still. She’s a hyperactive year old kitten. Apparently, when she’s still, she’s actually building up energy. If you look at her when it happens, you can practically see her vibrating with restlessness. And then, like a rocket, she shoots into the air and begins bouncing off walls, furniture, even the ceiling- destroying everything in her path. So for 6 months, I’ve been carefully dodging by the windows to avoid nosy neighbors and their prying eyes. I could wear pants but… anywho. Despite blinds being as cheap as $5, I haven’t been able to afford them. I’m beyond broke, folks. We’ve also managed to get our old leather sectional out of here. It was oversized and over priced, if you ask me, and it had to go. We downgraded to a smaller, cheaper sofa, but it fits our tiny home so much better. It’s greatly helped the anxiety I feel about living in such a cramped home. Some days, I feel so trapped and closed in that my heart rate accelerates to dangerous speeds and I start hyperventilating. Everything we can do to make this space feel larger will greatly improve my quality of life.

My fiance works late tonight. I’m home alone with my thoughts, and two very chubby house cats. I’m feeling anxious, like I need something to keep myself busy. But, I’ve managed to catch up all the house chores and all other responsibilities I could have had. I might just curl up with some kind of tea (probably chamomile and jasmine) and maybe another paradise cookie. It’s a peach, banana, coconut, rum, lemon, orange, vanilla sugar cookie of my own recipe that tastes just like some kind of fruity drink you’d find at some seafood restaurant on the beach. And let me tell you, it’s to die for. I made one and a half dozen today and my fiance and I finished all but four in a single afternoon. They are so good.

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