You know what I don’t get? You. I don’t get how for so long you were so close to me and yet now im just another discarded piece of junk that flutters around hoping to be reclaimed, I mean I already had another opportunity with a great guy, and because im attached to you I totally blew it! You can’t unblock my number, ask for your things and just leave the situation that way!
I guess im just really confused, like how can you love me for almost 18 months and then just drop me in an instant. Did you never truly care about me at all? I wish I knew what you were thinking but you never tell me and I think that is the biggest issue.
If you ever actually talked to me about how you feel, maybe I would have known about the things that drove you away, maybe you wouldn’t have had to leave because I would have been able to fix myself for you. But you never told me ANYTHING and so how I was supposed to know that anything was wrong?
I wish you were more open about your thoughts and feelings. We could have prevented all of this from happening, and you would still be mine. Why couldn’t you just speak to me!
I cant stop thinking about you, and it haunts me because as soon as you pop into my head, my brain goes dark and I feel stuck and helpless instantly. What am I supposed to do, just drop you like you dropped me? Cause im not that much of an ass.
I wish you would just notice me again, realize that I exist and that we can fix this, that im not mental or crazy, that im done self harming and im not depressed anymore and I wish you would just open your eyes and see how madly in love with you I still am!
But one can only dream, and sadly my dreams wont get me very far in a situation such as this. Well I guess im stuck wondering if maybe this other guy IS something I should go for. He is funny and sweet and listens, hes so much like me in so many ways… He is so much like you used to be.
I love you Bean.