I have been with many men in my past (key word…past…), but have truly been “loved” by scant few. I am tired of being used for sex. I am tired of starting a conversation with someone and having them automatically assume I want to get into their pants. Flirting does NOT mean I want pictures of your dick, or dirty texts, or random nights where you get your fill and then kick me out. Flirting (for me) means I’m interested in YOU as a person. I will ask questions to get to you know because that is what is supposed to be done….you ask questions about that person, you spent time together doing things you both love. We live in a world where people in this generation tend to base marriage and relationships off of sex and how good it is, and NOT how vast, beautiful, or deep their partner is and how they both complement each other. Is it wrong for me to want a deeper relationship than that of sex? Is it wrong of me to get upset when people, who are unhappily married I might add, come to me out of the blue and want to send me pictures and repeatedly ask me to send my own? Does it make me insecure to want someone to care enough to ask me about who I am as a human being? I don’t think so. Stop using the fact that you’re a “sexual person” as an excuse. It’s a pretty shitty excuse if you ask me. I am part of the small percent that isn’t as sexual and I have my brother to thank for that for molesting me and abusing me as a small girl. But is that my fault? Some people would probably say so. But y’all can go F*** yourself since you’re so into it. I know by submitting this, people will assume I’m doing something wrong. It’s always the fact that the one ranting has done something wrong. WE sent the first message. WE responded (which somehow means that we’re interested? Wait what? Since when? Unless I tell you, “Hey, I like you…” DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING). No one can take responsibility for their own actions. I am not getting any younger and I don’t do lonely very well, but from the slim pickings of the “men” of this world, I may have to start getting used to it. I want someone who wants to have my mind and my heart rather than what’s between my legs.
I don’t want to be temporarily filled by men who grab and go. I want a love so real that my partner can’t live without what I have to give, because believe it or not…I have some pretty incredible love to give someone. That’s it. I am worth more than the shit people have repeatedly made me feel over the years.
No, I’m not some crazy woman’s right/feminist/against this/for that/I deserve the world on a silver platter… etc. I am really a simple girl who doesn’t “ask” for it by what I wear, do, or say. I just know what I deserve as a human being. Not even as a woman, but as naked to the core as I can get, a human being. Since when did it become ok to throw aside the intricate details of someone’s being, who they are to the very center and makeup of their soul, for a night of fun and pleasure that (lets me honest) probably isn’t even that great? When did it become ok to act like barbarians?
Bottom line, I don’t want this anymore. Even if it means people I once considered “friends” being deleted from my life. Clearly they were never in my life for the friendship anyway. This is more than a rant, but it’s so personal to me and frankly, I’m fed up with it. It hurts when I give you my time, my emotions, the insight to my life, and all you can think about is when you get to score some booty. Maybe all of this IS my fault for believing in something I know is real and out there. Maybe I have no one to blame but myself for thinking there’s somebody out there who can think of more than what to do with what’s between HIS legs.
I know I’m not alone in this, and I know by putting it out there for people to read SOMEONE will have an opinion about SOMETHING, and that’s fine. That’s why it’s called an opinion. This is mine based off of true facts that have happened to me. I guess it all boils down to how surprised I am that so many people in this world have lose sight of something so simple. Respect for each other.