Especially a single mom. It’s tough sacrificing everything I am, and everything I want to be and do because I have to make sure we stay afloat. Not that I’m complaining, looking into her big green eyes makes it all worth it, but it’s exhausting. Some nights I curl into bed, look over at her small chest, rising and falling, and I cry. I cry because I don’t have people there for me, and I need it.
Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, I have a boyfriend, but at the end of the night, it’s just me and Jaws. I don’t have anyone I can fall into them, feeling their arms wrap around me and hold me tight, making it feel like everything is being held together. I don’t get that luxury, because now that I’m a mom, I have to be the glue holding everything together.
Between daycare, apartments, cars, groceries, dates, work… it’s a lot. And I’m tired of saying, “Oh, it’s fine.”
Because it’s not, it’s not fine. And that’s okay, I know life isn’t fair and won’t be okay and fine all the time. But the fact that I have to pretend it is, I’m so tired.
5 hours left on the shift. Let’s go.