I like the warmth of being alone. The sweet embrace of music and being myself truly. We are trained to make sure our appearance speaks to others in a way that sends some sort of message. That’s pretend.
But alone, that speaks volumes. My mind is slower with alcohol or some other substance. Only alone, people can’t actually see that.
Can I be apologetically myself please? Not having to express anything to anyone. I don’t need approval. Nothing matters but myself.
I’m drowning in a pool of my own creation.
When is rock bottom? I can take a handful of pills to end this at any time but I guess I still give a shit about others. Lame.
I sleep too much. I’m too inactive. Too reliant on substances but incapable of functioning otherwise.
This is never ending. No light at the end of this terrible, self-inflicted and deserved tunnel.