Too Much For Anyone

4/3/15

Nobody can fathom the magnitude in which I loathe my existence.  I’m too low to be dug out of this.

I have nobody to truly share with.  Nobody to reach out too because everyone has their own life.  I’m a 30 year old pathetic waste.

Nobody can love me. I am too selfish.  I binge eat and looking in the mirror cuts my soul down, I feel so worthless.

I try to reach out.  I have friends.  I can’t all the way, I am too much of a burden.  They have families to care for, reasons to live. 

I have nothing to live for.

There will be no impact when I leave.

I want to cut my skin, I haven’t in months because I’m embarrassed after, the same with drinking.

I can’t tell a therapist this or I’ll be shipped to a hospital where I’ll be forced to be medicated because God obviously makes mistakes.  I can’t afford pills, I can’t afford to fix this mistake I am.

Everyone has moved on, progressed with their life, found someone to share a vision with.  I have no vision, no talent, no hobbies, no growth to offer.

I’m trapped in a life that is unbearable. 

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