My goal is to finish my studies and get a life. I mean, I’m trying to make a life out of this shit I’m in but it’s hard. First, because this is not a course I wanna take. Second, I’m not happy. Third, I’m always tired. Fourth, the people are shit. Fifth, no one understands. Sixth, nobody cares. But mostly, because of me. If I just can trust myself that I can do it. I mean, I really think I can do it because why not? I’m Kiarakira. I can survive this shit. But I’m having doubts about myself. First, because I’m lazy. Second, I’m lazy. Third, did I mention I’m lazy already? There… I. AM. LAZY. I get tired at everything and sometimes, I find myself in an idle mode. And also, I think I may not able to do this because I don’t know. Maybe, I’m just paranoid but yep, that’s me. I really wanna survive this shit because maybe then, I will make a life out of my life. I’m so tired of being tired of my life. I wanna change now and yes, I’m trying but it’s hard. How can I frickin change when the environment is draining me? I’m not happy. I don’t know if I’m happy. Well, I don’t even know what happy’s definition is. I mean, is laughing an evidence of happiness? Is smiling? I don’t know. And I’m certain that I’m not happy right now and I don’t know when will I be. I just want to finish my studies. I can’t imagine disappointing everyone around me. I can’t even imagine disappointing myself. Like pleaseeeee…. HELP ME. I hope someday soon, I would believe myself. I wanna believe myself but I can’t help but doubt myself. I really need help. Maybe I will find all the answers someday.. And I wish that it’s soon.

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