What Are the Odds

I just don’t know what to do now, because im waiting for you, I have been for a month and yet you haven’t come back. Will you come back.

He and I were inseperable for 18 months and then BAM it was like lightening struck between us and shot us onto different sides of the earth. Pangea has split, and now you and I couldn’t possibly be further apart.

I just hate how much I love you; “i hate you, I love you I hate that I love you, don’t want to but I cant put nobody else above you” and I cant because night and day you are all I can think about.

We wouldn’t even make it together again. Your so lazy and your family blames me. They all hate me. They hate me because you are a monster and they think im the one to blame. Why would you do that, lie to people you love about someone you said you loved but actually don’t!


I don’t understand the nerve guys have. Its like an argument. Girls want to yell and get loud and express everything, and guys just sit there, listen all calm and stuff, and barely do a thing! Isn’t that the point of an argument, to argue!? At least show a tiny bit of emotion for ONCE!

I guess its like my dad used to say, you gotta live in the moment, and actions speak louder than words. He used to say both those things before he passed. I guess my point is that there is no time like now for me to possibly learn that arguments aren’t meant to be loud and exciting. Maybe its better to stay quiet and calm. Any thoughts on that?


I miss my dad, two years since he passed away and the wound still feels brand new. I wonder why that is. But I might be getting his truck back, so that will be good.


Chris talked to me, proms over now so he can focus on me and not the girl he went with. But im not so sure that im ready to move on yet from Him, because I just love him so much. I know, “he isn’t the one” but hes more than everything I could ever want… I mean the good parts anyways. But you give and take yeah?

Maybe life will be less complicated some day. I hope so.


I love you Bean.

One thought on “What Are the Odds”

  1. There so many things I want to say.
    But most importantly, I wanted to say that I hear you and what you are saying. It’s hard to hate someone you love. Especially if they hurt you. You WANT to hate them. You want to have a reason. Something to tie up the loose ends. I meaning behind it all…
    If you truly want to move past him and move forward. That’s just it. You have to want to do it. That’s the first step. Some people can do it quickly, with others it can take time.
    Stay strong. I’m listening.

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