Anorexia journal: day one

Ha… You don’t even notice, the hard work we put in for the skinny waist you hug and the bony hands you hold. How much we cry just to be perfect. What Ana tells us to do, to be, to consume, to not consume. Its a lot of work. But you don’t even notice…

I want you to know but i cant tell you personally because you will worry, or try to fix me, or tell people i don’t want you to. I’m waiting for you to notice, I want you to care but i don’t want to be better I don’t want to “recover” I just want to be skinny and perfect and good enough.

I wish you knew sometimes, so when you ask me how i’m doing i don’t have to lie and smile away the tears. And i don’t want you to blame yourself, you do that a lot. 

This world is messed up why cant everyone just be happy… Nothing is ever good enough.

Dedicated to the friend i don’t talk to much, the friend i accidentally pushed away.

I wish we could be normal again

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