Being honest isn’t suppose to be difficult, yet everyone is guilty of lying. We lie more to our selves than we do to others. It becomes second nature. Almost like our own personal fairy tale. I lie before my day even begins. My alarm clock sounds more times than it should. With hopes of getting up early to work on my body, I hit snooze assuming I will have time when I get off. I say I will eat healthier and have a good breakfast, yet I gorge on carbs. The loathe I have for my body lately has been unsettling; however, I can not force my self to do better. Recently, I started to purge my body of unwanted food. It started 9 years ago and I stopped for a while. I gained confidence and motivation. Then he happened. Four years of what I thought was unconditional love got torn to pieces. He stood in front of my naked body as my fiancé and described me as unattractive. He had fallen out of love. I blamed him. I lost control and broke down. The truth is, I was lying. It wasn’t him at all. I had cheated on him more times than I would like to admit. Thats when The disorders began. Not eating, excessive workouts, fingering my throat to discharge my food, taking pills to help my appetite
I am out of control and want out of my skin.