Existential Crisis?

Hm cool I realised today that there are indeed online diary sites. I wonder how long I’d last here. Ahwell.

The weekend has been pretty meh. Last week we had to think of what we wanted to do with our lives. I have no idea. I feel so lost. Everyone else seems to have some aim or goal. Maybe I need a bucket list. I just feel like I’ve been wandering aimlessly. What to do?

Today I skipped what was supposed to be dance practice. I don’t even know who went. Handover is less than a week and…? I don’t really know what to feel. Lately everything has just been murky shades of brown. Not grey/gray because that colour I find pleasant and I want to describe something… meh.

Last week was kinda bad maybe? Not absolutely horrible but I actually considered the fact that I might need a psychologist. Idk. But please, give me that money and I’d spend it on something better like ballet lessons or art supplies or something. Or just save up for a rainy day. I hate feeling so poor. I say “feel” because I’m not sure if I can really call myself poor. Sure, relative poverty, maybe along those lines if the criteria is loosened, but just thinking absolute poverty, doesn’t that just make me a spoilt ungrateful brat?? “First world problems”, people like to say. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t problems right?

I was actually considering going back to PenPalWorld today. But nah, writing a diary for yourself is better than relying on others to fulfil your emotional needs and being disappointed when your expectations are not met. Is this the end of my FutureMe though?

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