Why I Smile

I smiled and some people looked at me strangely, but I smiled every day. This smile was no different from the others, it was a phoney smile. It was put in just to hide the effects of my pain. I struggled but you would never have known because I never showed it. Most days I wish this wasn’t my life but it was, I’ll think it so much I’ll really start believing it. Then reality would hit me the next morning I can’t wish away my problems, for the power to do that I don’t have.

Some days I sing or hum and it will get me through the day. I would even sing myself to sleep at night. I lived from pay check to pay check so it wasn’t always the best on my mental state it only added stress to my situation. I wasn’t always like this I was rich once then my husband lost his job. We lived off of our riches as long and as best we could until the money started running low. I’m all alone now because he was upset that we, more for me than himself, had to live like this It’s a bit hard, though, to find a job in a declining economy like this and especially a really good paying one. Since everyone has been pretty much downsizing. So he left with a promise that he would come back with a job and not before. I was sad to see him go but I knew he was coming back. He was a determined person and I knew that no matter how long it took him he would find a job and come back but until then I had to find a way to support myself. So I went looking and I found a job. It didn’t pay much, and I wouldn’t have been able to support both my husband and I with my salary. It barely supports just me now much less a second person to my expenses.

One day my boss took me in his office and gave me “the pink slip”. I wasn’t really upset about losing my job I didn’t really like it anyway I only put up with it and my boss for the money. My boss was a hard cruel man who usually tried to make passes at me and I refused him every time. He was a heartless business man who cheated and schemed to get a deal not caring at all for what consequences his actions may bring. I worked as his secretary doing all of his paper work that he didn’t feel like doing. I had to run errands for him that one usually wouldn’t think were in my job description. I worked for him doing his bidding as long as he didn’t take it too far. I was forced to sit and listen to his bickering day in and day out at what he called “board meetings” they were all boring and extremely long.

By the end of it most people were asleep because the man stood up the entire time droning on continuously about nothing as if he were filibustering a bill. So we wouldn’t usually get out until late into the night and by then I would only make a small snack and fall asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. Then I would wake up, go to work, and start the whole cycle all over again. Now I was free and didn’t work here anymore, so I didn’t have to listen to him.

I left happy, when I returned home the happiest and earliest I had ever been since my husband left I noticed that I had received a letter from Brandywine, Maryland. It was from my husband and he told me he got a job and we were moving. Then he came strolling through the door a while later.

“Honey I’m back,” I smiled at him.

“I see that, welcome back, so you got a job?” he gave me a wide smile that made my stomach do somersaults. My heart skipped a beat today was just getting better and better for me.

“Yes, I did a very good one too; it’s a little far from here though so I bought a house. We’re moving to Maryland, honey it’s beautiful you’ll love it,” he tried to convince me but my mind was already set that I was going with him anyway. He hugged me and I clutched on to him for reassurance of his presence. We stayed like this for what seemed like forever neither saying a word neither minding the silence.

“If you’re trying to convince me to go with you, you don’t have to say anymore,” I suddenly spoke breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over the room. He pulled back a little with a worried look on his face.

“Why? I came back just for y-“

“You don’t have to convince me I have no problem leaving I would have left with you just knowing that your job was wherever we’re going. I don’t mind packing up and moving as long as where we’re going I’m going to be with you,” I smiled at him reassuringly he hugged me to him again and I knew he was smiling now.

“I missed you so much, I’m glad you’re coming with me I was almost a little scared you wouldn’t come back with me…” there was an emotional edge to his voice making his words all the more sincere and that made me happy.

“You know me better than that, I would go with you anywhere, and of course I missed you too,” I almost thought that we would never let go of each other or that we would never end up leaving because we didn’t seem like we were going to move anytime soon.

When we finally peeled ourselves away from each other he helped me pack my things. We joked and laughed as if we had never been separated for months. When all of my things were packed into the car he took my hand and was leading me out of the front doors, I turned back to take one last look at the house where it all began. This was our first house since we got married and I never thought I would see the day when we had to leave it even though I never expected the day to come. surprisingly I’m ready.

“You’re not having last minute doubts are you, darling?” he asked worry in his voice.

I turned back to him smiling, before shaking my head, “no I was just thinking that we’ve had this house since we first got married and I never thought we would have to move, that’s all.” He looked guilty for a moment before opening his mouth and I stopped him knowing he was going to blame himself,

“Don’t blame yourself; life is unexpected it probably would have happened anyway.” He offered me a warm smile and I returned it squeezing his hand. Before he could do or say anything I kissed him for the last time at this house before we moved away,

“Let’s go before it gets too late,” I tugged him to the car and I knew he was smiling behind me.

Since we’ve moved here, it has been lots of fun; It’s very interesting and a beautiful place to live. Now when I smile it’s a genuine smile. “The woman with sad eyes”, as one of my co-workers had called me, now has happy ones.

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