Hello, Missy here. I just remembered how great my friends are. Well, I always knew, but it’s great to be reminded sometimes. We talked to each other. We do that a lot but last night was different. We REALLY talked to one another. We talked about our flaws and problems and we gave each other friendly advice. Is this what having friends is like? I have honestly forgotten.
It’s been over a year since I’ve had a conversation with anyone outside of my family. I’ve missed having people to talk to. Having something to look forward to makes me feel so happy that I can’t describe it properly. I love them all for separate reasons but it still ends up the same. I love them because they care about me. And listen to me. And help me and accept me and love me and trust me and urghhhh there’s so much more that I could say but I’d be here all day.
A month ago, I was ready to die. I truly believed that there was nothing else for me in life. My medical condition had taken control of my life and I was ready to give up. But now I have people to count on and that has given me a new-found will to live. A reason to keep my head up despite all obstacles. Nothing will erase my invisible scars but it’s a part of who I am so I’m glad they’re still here.
Things are going well with Blume. Really well. I still think about them “in that way” a lot but it’s because they’re so nice! It’s kinda impossible to forget about them relationship wise when they’re treating me so nicely. Just thinking about their compliments make me blush. Fuck. There I go again. As you can see, very little progress has been made haha.
I hate thinking about it like that. Progress. Like I’m being converted against my will. I know that isn’t true but it still hurts sometimes. Life sucks and it isn’t fair. I know that contradicts the first part of this entry but still.
I wish I could tell Blume my secret now and get it over with. But no. It’s too early. I don’t wanna ruin anything but it’s killing me to keep it. I just wonder if they will hate me for it. They say they won’t but the future is uncertain. I believe them that they won’t but it is normal to have doubts.
Lol I’m sure Blume cringes when they read shit like that. Like, how do you live your life regularly when you know someone is obsessed with you? Do you just not think about it until you read it in their journal that they know you read? I wouldn’t know.
Anyway, I am done. I am gonna release another entry alongside this one by the way.
There’s no rest for people with great friends, so I’ve gotta go.