Our past keeps hunting me everyday. It’s like you have been glued to my life. Not that i still love or miss you, maybe there’s a small percentage that i still miss you. But i won’t risk myself to call or see you. I’d rather suffer from this feeling. After 3 months of our break up – the day i caught you – I have never regret of running away from you, not even saying a word of goodbye. On that day, it just hit me. This was not the last time you cheated behind my back. I knew that at that point, i need to get away from you. At some day, i still question myself how far i have come to be so foolish into thinking that you fully loved me. I keep on blaming myself for being so blind. My world have revolved around you and looking back at the pieces of moments we have, i realized that i was just your trophy. A trophy that you could show off to your friends and colleagues. I tried to fit into your world and i did. But that just destroyed me.
You’re showing to the world that you are a caring and thoughtful person but inside, you’re a selfish person. You can see that i am broken and you still choose to keep me, not a person, not a lover, but a trophy.
I can still feel the pain and the numbness when you slapped me a couple of times, choked me to death while you calling me dirty names. That doesn’t stop there.. I can’t still believe that you were able to punch me on my right eye and still blame me for it. Fool that i am, it took me a long time to sink these incidents in my mind.
Do you know that i have lost myself for such a long time?
It took me a while to realize on what’s happening to me. It also took me a lot of courage to finally ray away from you. I miss myself so much.. If i were to meet my own self, i would hug her tight and tell her that everything will be okay.
As much as i hated you so much, i knew that i needed to heal and in order for me to do that, i need to forgive you. It’s the only way to completely set me free.
I believe that time is the only one that will heal me wholly.
I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It will be a long way but i’m almost there.
I will be okay. <3