What do you do when you want to shoot yourself? Do you do it? Do you search for the gun and take the bullet? Or do you sit and wait and hope it will all work out?

That’s my problem right now. I want to fucking take a gun to my head and shoot the brain chunks to the wall across the room. But see things don’t always work like that. So what do I do? Wait it out? Shoot the bullet?

Its all a waiting game, a matter of time before the world shatters and all that’s left is the sinking feeling. I am the titanic. I sink, I break. I am sunk. Drowned and dead.


I love you Bean.


One thought on “Bullet”

  1. Let me tell you something about this life: It’s short. If you like it, great. Enjoy it while you can. And if you don’t, that’s okay. It’s temporary. So why bother to rush the inevitable end? Things may get better. There may be a day where you thoroughly enjoy your life and living. There may be things worth living for. But if you end things now, you’ll never get to witness that. You deserve to witness that. So just be patient. Things may never work out, and that’s okay. They don’t have to. But you’ll never know what may be, until you’ve lived every last moment of this life that you’ve been allotted. I say, grab this life by the horns and take control. Look it straight in the eye, make your demands, and see what pans out. Dig in your heels, and make your stand. You’ve got nothing to lose, but everything to gain. I know this is going to sound hollow, me giving advice. Because I’m pretty much dead inside, and have been for a few years now. But ending it all isn’t an option for me, either. I hate my life. I’m miserable. I think about death constantly. But I’ll be damned if it happens a moment sooner than I can help. I’m going to live every second I can and wait for the pay out I’m owed. I’m going to hang on until my fingers bleed, and then I’ll hold on even tighter. I’m going to kick, and scream, and cry, and yell until my lungs give out. I’m holding on for the possibility something good will happen. It can happen. It can happen to me, and you. And if not, we can make our own good things. What do you do when you want to shoot yourself? Simple: Get rid of any and all weapons you own, see a professional, get help where you can, and live to see tomorrow instead. Buckle down, and fight. It’s going to be a struggle, but greater things have come from lesser people. You can do it. You’ve got this.

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