Journal Entry #11 (Stress and Wanting to Know the Real Blume)

I’m depressed again. Nothing new. A lot has happen in the past hour. I’m expecting only my friends to read this so I won’t bother explaining.

It’s just…how did things get like this? I can hardly remember a time when we were truly happy. We are all depressed now. I’m afraid for what’s going to happen next. I’m trying to stay strong because I’m a burden to people when I’m sad. I don’t know what to do.

I hope our group stays together. I can’t imagine life without them. I don’t think they even noticed when I said that in chat.

I sent a message to you Blume. Did you read it yet? Yes I did give you a nickname haha. It’s nice and cute, which fits you.

Urghh I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep good for a while. I will probably have another bad dream. I haven’t had any since I was a little kid, but now I’ve had two in less than seven days. I feel like I’m going to drown in stress. They will put me back in the hospital again. I don’t want to go back. No one will be there for me this time.

I’ve got to stop thinking like that. I hate when Blume worries about me. It’s about damn time I worry about them. Not saying I never did, I’ve always worried about them, but I need them to see it. To understand just how much I love them. And respect them. And appreciate them.

Hey Blume. When you come back, I wanna talk. To you. To the real you. I want to know what makes you sad, and happy and angry and jealous. I know we’ve been trying and I’m glad 🙂 Thanks for being my friend despite everything we’ve been through.

There’s no rest for the stressed, so I’ve gotta go.

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