Feeling really shitty today. Stomach hurts, monkey butt is really acting up legs are still weak and my FEET HURT. I hope this journal is helping at least one person out there in cancer land. I am trying to give everyone the perspective of just exactly what you may encounter if you are unfortunate enough to have to deal with this at some point in your life or even as the caregiver of someone else who may be dealing with this. Couldn’t take the monkey butt so I soaked in the tub for a while and did the ice cube in a baggie trick again. Not much relief so I decided to try to make a paste with baking soda and water. One word here DON’T DO IT. Well three words actually. Burned like hell. Ouch. Vaseline helped. Lots of Vaseline. Well it’s Memorial Day and I’m in bed. Happy Summer. Sorry this journal is getting so down but it is what it is. Frankly I’m tired of it all. I still can’t understand why someone would want to alter their feeling of well being whether through drugs (non prescription) or alcohol or cigarettes. Do they really make you feel THAT GOOD. I wonder when or even IF I will ever feel good again. I’m just very tired of feeling like this. OK so I’m not that strong.