I was raised to never rely on a man, yet all I ever saw was my mother relying on men. It is only natural that I unconsciously search for a man to be in my life. If it is so innocent, then why do I feel so guilty. I search daily for recognition, love, praise, and adoring compliments on my looks. I search for others approvals because I am not happy in my skin. I seek a man to cover up the whole that is buried deep in my soul. I need to find meaning in my life. A purpose to motivate me to wake up every morning and work on my body and soul. I want to love my skin, my mind. I crave the love and attention to come from the reflection I see daily.
Everyone tells me to seek God. “He is the only man you need in your life. Once you make him the only man, he will send the right man.” Easier said than done. I am a nympho. Sex has become something I crave. I have seemed God, I believe in God, I love God. I am human. Sin is deep in my pores.
I have explored solace in weed, alcohol, adrenaline, food, eating disorders, pills, and so much more. Not one habit helped with what I was seeking. This depression has become intense. I recently have thought about practicing meditation and yoga. To release my troubles through vibes and chakras.
This journey has just begun.