boring day

i received an email from my daughter Callisto’s teacher today requesting a conference. the email also included variations of somehow distracting or interruptive things that she would do, like crumpling up a tissue and holding it in her hand until the end of the day. and other irrelevant bullshit like that. oh yes, the whole class will not be able to take their eyes off of a child putting a tissue in their desk. 

i don’t have the time to go to conferences anyway. and i wouldn’t like to be labeled by another teacher that was already pissy enough as a hippie just because my hair is butt length.

i sound so juvenile, talking shit about a kindergarten teacher.

almost a month ago, Callisto had to start riding the bus. this was because someone stole my car and i was already too angry at everything else to actually take action upon the situation, nontheless buy a new *expensive* car. but now i’m worried as hell about what might happen to her. or what’s happening to her in general.

so this resulted in me having another meltdown. i couldn’t focus on work, my hair got frizzy, and our dog wouldn’t stop attempting to comfort me. and i didn’t have any cigarettes, nor did i have the money to buy any. so i started pacing around and breathing hard and pulling at my hair. i feel so juvenile for everything that i’ve done. 

but i fucked up again. after having my silly little moment for who knows how long, i forgot to wait for Callisto outside. she had to knock a few times before i actually came back to my senses and let her inside. i was greeted by her little smile and grabby hands that wanted her to be held. i had to start working again in the kitchen so i could spend time with her at the same time.

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