I distinctly remember this conversation I had with my parents in the car about my sister. My father was saying that my sister is very beautiful, I of course readily agreed because it is true, and I say this with absolutely no jealousy. My mother, bless her, hurriedly said to my father that I am beautiful as well but what stayed stuck in my mind was how he said nothing in response to this. Yes, that hurt. Try as I might, I just can’t forget that silence and time and time again, I remember how he said nothing and get hurt all over again. My parents are both good looking and attrative. It just so happened that I inherited all the bad genes. However, I have accepted that I am no beauty. The only thing I’ve got going is the fact that I’m a bit intelligent. I say ‘a bit’ for a reason. It’s just that sometimes I can’t even feel good about that because my father keeps saying that I’m a nerd. Although I keep telling myself that I should ignore what he is saying or “not saying”, or whatever label he has for me does not matter, it still hurts because at the end of the day, it was said by the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally.
I like to think of myself as a confident person but my insecurities seem to be still present. Hah. GoodNight Self. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it’s not a nice color on you.