Today sucked. Not only did i lose my spot on varsity but my Boyfriend/best friend/ my world/my everything got super mad at me and i love him so much and i cant lose him but i know that if i keep him close, when it happens it will kill him. So i think that the best thing for him will be to shut him out and let him go because then he wont have to feel the hurt. But he is the only thing keeping me alive and i don’t know what to do anymore because i don’t want to hurt him but i cant let him go. Every day just seems to get worse and worse and i don’t know what to do anymore. i lost my best friend and i cant get over it and i’m going to lose the only other thing i have left to hold onto in this world and i don’t know if i can do this anymore. I’m on the edge of life and death and nobody seems to notice and nobody seems to care. The scars on my arm are not signs of my weakness yet they seem to be targets for ridicule. They aren’t on my body because i want to die (which i do) they are on my body to stop myself from dying. To put a face to my pain. to inflict pain, pain that i’m feeling inside, but this time, its under my control how much pain i feel or don’t feel. Life is hard. I am ready for my life to be over. But i’m holding on to every last hope.