Day One… of many?..

Ok, so this is day one of possibly many journal entries. I never know what to say on the very first one and I am sure it’s going to sound all over the place with like… a million typos. Who cares my journal my rules so fuck it! I am not even sure if anyone would actually start reading this and I guess this should be more for me anyway.

Still…. I want to start by introducing myself… even if this is for me… because who knows if this may change me later down the line.

Hi, I am a 21 year old girl who lives in a large city. I recently have been searching for a hard cover type if journal so that I can start writing about things that happen to me every day but living in this day and age… it’s just cheaper and makes more sense to put it all online right? I may not have a particularly interesting life but I have most recently been going through some life changes. Some are good and some… are… probably still good… but harder to swallow. Right now I am living in an apartment with some people who once were more than just friends they were family sadly that’s not the case anymore. I work for a job that continues to pass me up for a full time position and won’t really allow me room to move up. And of course I am trying to get back into my one dream school that changed my life that I am not attending at the moment sadly. I am sure as I continue to journal more of myself will shine through. Hey for now I think I know myself but who knows maybe I will learn something new about me… right?

I have decided to start journaling for my own piece of mind. If someone happens to read this… awesome! I would love to hear any thoughts and I would gladly answer any questions. I am not sure how long this can get but here goes.

 

So like the title says…. this is day one….. Of many? My first instinct is to go off on a rant and just say… or write… everything that has happened in my life so far… yet somehow I feel by doing that this could get pretty lengthy and that’s no fun if anyone was to read this. So far today I have killed one insanely large spider after yelling “holy shit” out to no one but my sleeping dog. I also really should be getting ready for work but I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. I am writing here in this journal while I have Facebook open… welcome to my generation huh?

My apartment is not particularly great. To be honest I really fucking hate it. It’s all red and black dark and dingy and I share it with some other people who don’t seem to care if it’s actually clean. The only saving grace is that my room is all white, and I have a sheer curtain to let as much light in as possible. I use to hate an all-white apartment because the apartment I lived in with my family whole growing up was all white. Now I can look back and just admire the openness and all the light that use to seep in through the large windows. I didn’t know I would grow to hate this apartment as much as I have recently. I guess that just reflects my life in a way with all the things that have gone sour now. So much has changed in the past year and I feel like I have just let all this time go to waste. Hey now, when did this become a pity party on Debbie downer street?..

If you know me in real life you would probably call me bubbly or some shit like that. Truth is on the inside I’m a walking sack of anger and fire that has no problem with frowning. I know I use to be all about the sunshine and rainbows and on some level I would really like to get back on that part of the spectrum but I can’t help feeling that’s a ways away. It is about 10:30 now and I really should start rapping it up so I can actually get my ass ready for work… gotta be business appropriate after all…

When I starting thinking about doing some journaling I had plans that the journal was going to help me get back to some level of happy. I was going to do that by finishing off every (or as often as I could) entry with 3 things that has made me smile or changed my life or some other mushy stuff like that so let’s see what today will have in store at the end of the day…

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