Days at home

I get bored pretty easily here at home, which is why I’ve been applying for jobs, I do spend a lot of my time just luring around which honestly is not as much fun as it sounds. It’s especially not fun when my parents come home and tel me to start doing this and start doing that because I’ve been home all day doing nothing little do they know I spent two hours on a single job application which I probably won’t even get hired for because I have to go back to uni in September. They treat me like I’m a nuisance and they only have any interest in me when I’m suddenly useful for a job they need doing. My dad is constantly telling me to not just sit around all day which trust me I don’t want to do, but the fact that he needs to say that constantly makes me feel like shit. Then when I do make plans he tells me that I shouldn’t be going out when he has things that need doing around the house, I am not just here for him to give tasks and chores to. My mum just tried to comfort me with materialistic objects as per usual and I outright told her I don’t want anything material I just want a hug and for them to be nice…. Her response was to leave her “gift” infront of me and walk off without a word. I feel incredibly lonely when I’m here which seems ridiculous considering I spent the last 6 months in a flat with housemates that drove me nuts but it strange, I think maybe because these are the people that are actually biologically designed to love me and care for me yet somehow are the people that make me feel the shittiest it makes it feel worse than it actually is. I just need something good, one little thing from them that hasn’t been bought and isn’t just a show of affection, something that shows actual real god damn caring emotions towards me, but I don’t see that coming. I have to take care of myself.

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