I am not sure how much longer I can keep my head above water. The weight of this ever growing pressure is bringing me farther away from the surface. I can still see the beach, I see you there, maybe you could throw me a life raft, that might help.I am so scared of losing everything. But seeing you on that beach, as you walk away from me is the scariest. And I suppose it does not matter, I keep trending water, and I will never get back to the place I was before. Please look this way, I think I am drifting further out. What will I do, when I am so far gone, that no one will be able to save me. I don’t know what to say to you, or how to even begin to tell you how NOT ok I am. Would it even matter to you? I wonder about that a lot more now. Now that I know where I have always stood in your life. Its not anywhere as close to where you stood in mine. How naïve I feel. So very stupid, because I knew and yet I continued to look the other way. I still feel like I should continue to be ignorant just to allow myself some more time to come to terms with this. And in this regard, I am drowning, and you still don’t look back. I can feel the water breeching my mouth, and sliding down my throat. I try to call for help, but opening my mouth only allows more and more water in. Can you hear me? If you don’t give a damn, could you at least get someone who might. I am trying, I am fighting…but if you won’t even look this way. Maybe I shouldn’t try to fight it anymore, I should allow myself to drown, right into the dark cold depths. Will you cry for me? I doubt it, because I can’t even cry for myself anymore. I put myself here, I remember. I don’t see the beach anymore, and I don’t see you. And now I don’t see the point. Its all over, I won’t be able to keep my head up much longer, I feel like it should never have come this far, I should never have been out this far. I am alone out here, and I am growing tired, I can’t stand the salt of this water anymore. My arms feel so weak, and my heart feels so numb. Your nothing but a speck now, I am all alone, in the vast ocean. I can’t keep this up much longer, I think I will rest my limbs. Gravity will do the rest.
A list of all the things I am, and will always be but I am always adding to it: Independent, Honest, Manic-Depressive, Brash, Unique, Blunt, Leader; Movie, Music, Book, Anime, and Cat Lover; Open-minded, Tattoo Wearer, Listener,and above all else Big Sister.