I still remember my release from what I called a prison(my 1st marriage). My divorce was finalized August 2004, the horrible thing I realized that day was that I still had some sort of feelings for this man. Be it infatuation, lust, love, caring I was not quite sure at the time. The following months were very hard for me. I had a 5 year old son that needed my attention yet I was spiraling out of control. Some days I could barely get out of bed, I remember clearly my son telling me “mommy, you still have me, I will never leave you”. I worked 3 jobs just to put food on the table and even then I had to move in with my mother. I was 22 at the time and looked at my life and was like what the heck. I am 22, divorced, a single mother working three jobs. I felt so old, so worn out. It is hard to explain, and yes you can ask why? Well even in my marriage I was the one running the show, yet now that I had no choice but to go at it alone. Why was I falling apart? I started to go out, sadly alot. I waited for my son to go to bed and I would go out drinking with friends, seriously I was out Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday. I look back and wonder how the heck did I function? However what goes up must come down. I literally remember having sex with a guys that I did not even know his name. I just wanted to feel something, anything. Any feeling besides the feeling of failure that I felt. I kept up the destruction of myself and the 3 jobs for about 8 months. At my regular full time job I even showed up drunk once.SMH.However like I said what goes up must come down. Hard I did come down.