I don’t really know what to add as a title for this page, I’m sure it will come towards the end. There’s a few topics whizzing around my brain like drugged up firefly’s, but one thing at a time eh.
So I’ve just finished reading the Ice Cream Girls, such a fab book. At the end it talks about honesty, and how if you’re not honest it will haunt you.Which got me thinking about honesty and the implications of not being true to who you are, letting that falseness be a part of your personality.
The lie we say, act and present to the world is preventing us from being our true selves. It’s creating a barrier of freedom and thoughtless speech. Having to “check in” with that lie first, even if for 0.2 seconds before we then try to make it real.
we put on a front, a “pretence” an act but you know, you know deep down that it’s not you. Actually sometimes, it takes something for you to realise, and you’re like “What the hell am I doing, this isn’t me, what the flip.
More and more, through meditation and self awareness I’m discovering the impact that external influences has on changing and manipulating my emotions and thoughts. They say “always trust the self” “The answer lies within” which is the mantra of yoga- it is essentially the science of the self. But I think encountering these external influences and letting them in is good, it helps form rationality and unbiased options. I think what I’ve learned the most is becoming an observer, not letting those altered emotions automatically have an impact to my current beliefs and reacting on them instantaneously. Having an awareness and kind of watching and feeling how the influence is changing my perspective, without letting it change my perspective- if you get me.
I watched a TED Talk yesterday on body language- she said “fake it till you make it” It was based around self insecurity faking it by instilling power into yourself, your posture, your language, how you express yourself. So if you think “fucking hell there is no way on gods green big fat earth I”m going to get through this presentation, I can’t do it.” You can do it. Push yourself, battle that feeling of insecurity and worthlessness, never except defeat and act like you are absolutely amazing, the best presenter since man bloody kind and kill it right on it’s ass, sweeping every man and his dog off their toes. I believe this, I believe in reinventing yourself into a completely different character so that your booting that self conscious, self doubting, uncertain version of yourself to the kirb- bit hold on, this is hypocritical to the fact of honesty and expression of the true self? Maybe we allow the true self to be itself in the right circumstances, if we we always a reflection of our true identity 100% of the time we would not be achieving what’s best for us. I believe in living my life and honest as I can, always withholding integrity. Sometimes it is hard to know if you’re following your gut or if it’s self doubt. Like that presentation I had for the job, I did’t go, and deep down there were elements of the job I did not like, but the presentation did fuse an essence of self doubt- did I let that self doubt prevail and take over or was it the fact that it was the feeling of assurance about the job that make me not go all together as I thought it would be a waste of time.
But who am I kidding, I suppose most of the time we know. Even when unsure, deep deep down in the pit and darkness of our soul hiding underneath a muscle or bone or something or most of the time hiding underneath an excuse, we know. We trick ourselves, our minds, to believing what we think we want, what we think we should do. We guard our true beliefs sometimes, the more we guard, the harder it is to break down that wall and unleash the raw form of truth.
“Fake it till you make it” I believe to eliminate self doubt, to help raise positivity, success and determination. Do it till you become it, if it’s for the greater good, and we know what is the best thing for us, the people we love, society.. Right?
If you’re striving to be the best person you can be, your helping others and creating a better life then do it, if you’re being a dick and dishonest then slap yourself around the gob and stop kidding yourself.