stuff in my brain.

woah it’s been a while. my bad on that. not TOO incredibly much to update on, though, just been so busy starting this new job. It’s REALLY boring. like, ridiculously. but at the same time, it’s easy. it can get stressful when I look at the clock and its 5:00 and I have 10 more orders to fill, but honestly? I’ve decided fuck it, I’m not going to super stress about it. I’ve decided this job isn’t going to be anything long term, so why freak out about it, you know?
anyway, everyone seems cool. It’s semi annoying that everyone is kinda clique-y, but I think it’ll just take some time and I can become close with people. I just wish I was thinner. and younger. I feel like I’d be more accepted if I was.
BUT I did lose 2 pounds since monday. but now matt’s going to get pizza so i’ll probably gain it all back lolz.

whatever. what else?
ummmm……….Matt’s being home is weird. i feel like there’s so much unspoken tension between us. Also mom asked me to be there at the therapy appointment on Monday. this kinda pissed me off cuz im like bro, i just started this new job and I havent even been there 2 fuckin weeks and I dont wanna be asking for hella time off so soon, you know? but apparently matt had asked that i be there, so i kinda have to. i asked joanna and she was cool with it, but i still felt like an asshole. im nervous too because moms all convinced that hes hella changed and he’s going to apologize and make ammends (step 4?) with me, but im like….skeptical. i want him to apologize for the way he treated (treats?) me, the way he treats Oscar, the horrendous things he’s said, etc…but im half expecting it to be like “YOU did this to ME and thats why I drink and im so helpless and sick” and then mom will start crying about how much of a failure she is and pander to matts every whim.
whatever. we’ll see. im trying not to be TOO pessimistic, but after all these years can you really blame me? I guess we’ll see.
the appointment is at like 2:30 so im thinking i can leave the office by like 1 and make it to Oakland on time. UGHHHH.

also this whole 4th of July shenanigans is annoying. it started off that oscar, tony and i were going to go camping up at Lake Francis. but since its a holiday weekend we have to stay 3 nights minimum. problem is, oscar works friday nights and saturyday morning (actually, we’re not sure about this one. I’m hoping that because it’s a holiday weekend they’ll just be like “no work friday-Mon,” but you never know with his job.) and I work on Tuesday, so we can’t stay fri night sat night and sun night because he won’t be there fri. night and sat. morning. and we can’t stay sat night, sun night and Monday night because I work tuesday morning. UGHHHHH. the frustration! so we decided to just book it for fri night -sun night and justfigure it out. BUT because i dont get paid until the god damn 15th of this month, i have no money to book it.apjdpfhpieufhpu. so mom offered to pay if she could come. which sucks for several reasons:
1. mom doens’t want to sleep in a tent.
2. I wouldn’t want to sleep in a tent with my mom and boyfriend anyway.
3. she tends to get SUUUUUPPPPPERRRR micromanaging when it comes to this kind of thing and her and oscar butt heads ALL THE DAMN TIME.

so then she’s like “well maybe we can get a cabin and matt can come?” and im like PLZWHYNO.
There’s already sooooooooooo much weirdness and tension between all of us ESPECIALLY matt and oscar, why are we going to force them into a cabin together?!?!?!? ya know? like fuck. but anyway.
plus i didnt even think matt would want to spend that much time with us since he hates me and oscar anyway. lol.
but apparently matt was cool with it, so I guess it’s happening. im nervous af i wont even lie.
but yeah, that’s the plan. it just sucks because i kinda needed mom to make this thing happen, but i really just wanted it to be me tony and oscar and maybe tony’s cousin and uncle. but nothing i can do about it now.

so ya. i guess that’s it.
anything else?
i need to get tony a bday present. we’re doing his party at a laser tag place up in sac. im excited because laser tag, im not because fucking dana will be there. UGHHHHHH.
whatever, we’ll see how that goes.

anyway, i have nothing else to report so im outie 🙂

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