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Day 0 – Goodbye Warmth

Dear Ms. Cöt,

Before we start our countdown till we meet each other again, I need a place where I can write the things I want to write to you. So instead of writing it to you, I’ll just publish it here in my journal. I honestly want you to find out about this journal, but, only if you find it on your own.

[Start of Message]

I still can’t sleep because I kept thinking about saying good bye to all those warm hugs, warm kisses, warm touches, and sweet moments on bed at night. I told you that I really wanted to fly and visit you there, and I don’t mind getting it from my savings, but you didn’t humor me. And we ended our conversation because you have to sleep already. It seems like I was the only one getting affected here.

I love you so much, to the point of considering having a relationship with you so we can justify our actions. But it’s the whole thing, the whole relationship that is wrong in the first place. So a label can’t really make it better, in fact, it’ll just make things worst. We can’t live the life we’re meant to live and we’ll be a total hypocrites subject to eternal damnation.

I was thinking of ways on how I can be less obsess about you and the only way I can think of is flirt with guys or have relationship with a guy. That will definitely shift my attention! But, I’ve waited this long already, I don’t want a relationship with some random stranger. So now, I’m back to nothing.

I was thinking of describing everything that we’re doing on bed here, but I realized that I won’t be helping anyone by doing that. I’ll just trigger unnecessary desires, just because I chose to publish it instead of writing it on a piece of paper and burn it afterwards. 😛

[End of Message]

Anyway, we really need to move on. So, starting tomorrow, goodbye to all these sweet gestures and warmth. I miss every bit of you right now, but I don’t want to miss this in the future.

Love,

Red Panda

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