It’s been a day since I was last FUCKED UP. A DAY. Shit, that’s long. I’m not even being sarcastic. Like, that’s longgg. I’m supposed to out with Rebecca tomorrow at the AMC or some shit. And the only reason I’m excited is there’s a nearby liquor store so I know I’m going to get intoxicated AS FUCK. If there’s one person (I know this will be contradictory af to my 1st entry) that will understand my mind set it’ll be Jerred. He likes getting fucked up like me and pops pills and has gotten arrested for drinking in public.
Well, at least we can be fuck-ups together.
In other news, my dad FLIPPED OUT today. My sister was trying to explain something, but then he got really pissed. He jumped out of his chair (though his beer belly was constraining him a bit) and started yelling like a FUCKING LUNATIC. “I’M LOUD?! I’M LOUD!!!” (The rest was a bunch of psychobabble). I wasn’t even the one he was yelling at but I was scared for my sister. And it made me CRAZY was that my mom was okay about it. But I mean, it makes sense. Her dad hit her, so she marries a man that is just as bad, with his words, if not actions.
My dad can do whatever he wants, but my mom will always view him as a hero. I swear, if I was bleeding on the kitchen floor with a huge wound and he was holding the knife, she’d still treat him like he’s a GOOD PERSON.
I remember when I was at lunch with my sister and my mom, they were praising him like crazy. Like someone was holding a damn gun to their head. “Your dad is such a good dad. He does so much. He’s amazing. Blahblah blah blah..”
Yeah. He’s such a good dad. Oh, like the time he called me a fucking piece of shit and an asshole. Like the time he tore apart my bed. Like the time he wouldn’t let me go and sat on me. WOW, WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE?!
In other news, mom is totally holding onto what she found, by SNOOPING. She has major control issues and it’s poisoning our relationship. Contrary to popular belief, despite the fact that I’m only 17 I do know some things. She keeps talking about by things she discovered while violating my privacy. I can’t even look at my journal anymore because it’s so tainted by the fact that her vile, manipulative, overbearing eyes saw the same pages.
Like, she’ll talk about my best friend Colleen and talk about it like SHE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT COLLEEN IS GOING THROUGH. I can’t even. Or like how she found out I smoked weed and is always like, “so, are you gonna go pay for doobies now?” I just feel like when I look at her, I can’t function. Like, why do you get to go unpunished for this? It wasn’t my fault or my decision, and if I were 18, I WOULD SUE. It’s wrong. Flat out, wrong.
And when she wants to talk about it, I feel like screaming. Why am I even entertaining this? You snooped, and anything you found should be irrelevant. Those were secrets for a reason. Because I COULDN’T tell you.
But she doesn’t know me, and never will. I’ve been doing prescription painkillers for a few months now and she still hasn’t found out, thankfully. She wants to limit my money that I spend on drugs (what she presumes weed) by making me get reciepts. Sometimes I just feel like she’s such an idiot. Like, you think I’m some stoner?? Hahahahhahha. That’s hilarious. No mom, don’t be worried I’m going to spend money on weed. Be worried it’ll be on pills-more pills than you can’t count, and coke and dope.
THAT’S when you should actually be scared.
Oh, god I sound crazy. Who am I kidding. I AM crazy.
SHE makes me crazy.