So im back again, after a long time…
its 12/06/16, and yes I’m still feeling pretty low. My work isn’t too bad anymore, Tension in the kitchen could be a lot worse. I still feel like crap though. I’ve had a migraine for the past two weeks and I have to wait till Wednesday to get my blood test results so hopefully it will shed some light on the whole situation.
A lot of people think its a stress related thing, I mean it could be but at the same time I don’t feel anywhere near as stressed as I have been in the past, and I never had headaches then. My dad recons its my iron levels, which sucks because ill end up taking iron tablets for the next 3 months. I do want to get it sorted though.
I think about Suicide so much at the moment. It seems like such a good way of leaving my problems. I hate my life, not that there’s much wrong with it, I just hate it. I’ve lost the will to self harm it just seems pointless now, it doesn’t hurt anymore its more of a boredom thing. watched a program last night called ‘flowers’ it was a 5 part drama kind of thing. It was really good though didn’t half make me think about my own situation. The story was about a family called the flowers. The father of the family tried to commit suicide, but failed and his mother saw him do it. She lived with them too. His mother was old and couldn’t walk very well, she tried to get rid of the rope he used to try and hang himself with. But when she was trying to put it in the loft she fell and passed away. The father ‘Maurice’ couldn’t forgive himself as he thought it was all his fault. The rest of the program was showing how he was dealing with depression and how he overcame it, but I don’t feel like ill ever be truly happy and overcome my sadness.