15th (Home or no)

I’m still wondering what to do.

This is a rant, by the way. You probably won’t understand it. It’s okay if you don’t.

I thought I found my place, but now I feel I lost it again.

RPR? I don’t know.

I really, truly don’t.

I want to leave. I do.

But at the same time, I don’t.

Half of me is whispering, “This is only making you suffer. Look at all that’s happened since you left. It’s better. Perfect.”

The other half… 

“Remember all the goods times?”

“Remember all those days spent laughing until dusk?”

“Until dawn?”

“Remember when you belonged?”


I’m not sure what to think anymore.

I guess I’ll have to wait and see, you know?

Wait and see if I’ll finally make up my mind.

Hold on or let go.


Good night.

3 thoughts on “15th (Home or no)”

  1. Hey Val,
    I don’t really expect you to read this for some reason. I really hope you do because I have a few things to say. I’m not going to say who I am yet, hopefully it will be obviously once you figure it out.

    Anyways first hint, I was gone once you decided to leave or take a break or whatever I don’t really know. I just feel like if I had been there when you were going through this I could’ve changed at least something. Maybe let you leave with a clear conscience. I’m not going to ask you to come back, but there is something id like to ask you.

    Remember that time that you insulted me to my face and I joked around that my feelings were hurt? And remember that favor you promised me? Well I’m going to call it in now. Find what it is you’re looking for. You don’t know how many times I’ve made amazing friends online just to see them dissapear. Part of why I tried to play a major role in keeping the GHI group together was because of this. I just wanted to tell you that your worth isn’t in GHI or your abilities or the good things you do. I don’t know if you believe in God so I’m not going to say all the religious things that I’d like to say, though I probably should. Even if you think you don’t belong anywhere, just know you belong in my group of good friends at least, and I am going to say something religious. God loves you, you may not care or believe it, but I hope it’s something to hold onto out there in the field. 😉

    In case it wasn’t extremely obvious


  2. Hey Val, it’s me.


    I never intended you guys to fall apart like this. I had hoped you would stay together after I left to sort myself out. Instead this all happened. It all spiraled out of control, and I’m afraid I can’t use the power of a psychoanalytical child to make it all better.

    I’ve hurt people badly. I don’t know if you will ever read this, but if you do I want you to know I want to fix this.

  3. I guess I do owe you that favor, huh, Rilu?

    And Bossman, it was not your fault. I had so much stress going on – school, RPR, all that jazz – that I fell apart. Don’t blame yourself. You never hurt anyone.

    Both of you, I guess you’re in for a surprise. Tomorrow. Better check your inbox, Bossman.
    Good night!

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