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My closet

I have a big, walk in closet. In the days before my medication, I used to be terrified of it, I thought I could see the door open, thought the darkness under the door would slither out.

I put a silver cross necklace on the handle, and it’s still hanging there. There’s also a tub of miscellaneous junk that I push against it, which at first was to keep my cat from opening the door and going inside. But now, if I don’t shove the tub against the door, I feel nervous, unsettled.

I’m too old to be afraid of monsters in my closet, but in this case there literally is one.

I don’t remember when I painted him. Sometime in 2015 I think, my little brother helped me, but only after I put the background coat on. There was a stupid reason for that.

2014 was a really bad year for me, I did a lot of self harm back then and was vary depressed.

At one point, I felt vary angry and had a lot of pent up emotions I didn’t know what to do with, so I cut myself, went in my closet and started painting.

‘Painting’ It was more like taking my finger and smearing blood on the walls in the general shape of smiley faces. Very original I know, but what was I supposed to do? Paint a mural?

I covered a good part of the wall in smileys and then let it be.

Nobody was allowed in my closet after that, I was terrified that someone would see the blood on the wall and freak out, so eventually I tried to wash it off.

Tip: dried blood does not wash off of walls.

So, at last, I decided to paint the wall. I covered the blood in grey paint, and then let my little brother help me paint the slenderman on my wall.

He’s still there, hiding something I’m not proud of and scared to tell anyone about.

I can hear coyotes howling.

I wish I was as free as they are.

3 thoughts on “My closet”

  1. I hope your days of self-harm are over. You might want to paint on your closet wall: God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. (That’s a Bible verse.) Or, “What time I am afraid, I put my trust in Thee; in God I trust without a fear.” Psalm 56:3. Or just recite it in your mind especially at bedtime.
    I am sorry you’ve had so much pain in your life. My childhood was full of darkness too, but Jesus brought me out into the Light and I am happy and contented these days, trusting Him. I still get nervous on the interstate, driving. And playing piano for people I am a wreck. But in Life generally, it is so good not to be depressed anymore. I don’t know your spiritual beliefs, but I encourage you to pray to Jesus for help. Hugs.

  2. It sounds like you have a negativity entity in your space & it is feeding off you – which can play a huge role in mental health (anxiety, depression, and paranoia). I know you said you wanted to try to get evp’s, but don’t. You’d be playing into it acknowledge it. This is the type of situation where you want to ward this thing away. Things that help: sage, salt, amethyst – cleansing ritual is really important.

  3. @therealgoddessianna
    I think you’re right. I have some amethyst I could put in there, should I put salt under the door? I can buy sage easily, but what kind of purification should I preform? I wouldn’t want to mess things up and make it worse

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