I’m just going to be hoenst:
I work 5 days out of the week, and enjoy my 2 days off cleaning and doing house chores and tending to my cats and dog. Work is definitely one thing as to why I don’t get out much because I can’t not work and yeah, most of my time is spent at work. But, on my days off (and for once I don’t actually have a large pileup of dishes or dirty laundry trailing down my hallway) I do try and make plans with people. Go for walks, go bowling, be out and about rather than tucked away inside at home, and I can for sure tell ya, I don’t know why no one ever wants to hang out with me. And this always sends me into deep thinking…..
Do people just not like me? Do people hate me? Am I a downer or come off as sad or negative? Not have time for me (I understand having a job as well)? Maybe my personality? Or maybe I talk about how I don’t eat meat? Am I a bad person? Does the fact that I have 2 cats and a dog at home bother people? Is it bothersome that they are all I talk about? Am I not good enough? Am I weird?
These thoughts and questions could go on and on and on, and it brings me down every time I never hear back from anyone when I try to make plans. Now, I’m not saying there aren’t people that aren’t my friends out there, I know there are people who see themselves as a friend of mine, but for many others who claim to be my friend, I feel disposable and replaceable and like I’m a bother; eventually I start to feel like people “give up on me” in a sense.
And even though I continue to feel like this on my days off, I remain in a constant battle of whether or not I need answers to these questions. Though, in a way, I feel as though I’ve already found the answers to some of these questions. Although they may not be real or true answers to my continuous thoughts, I could really care less about the real answers.
I am my own motivation, and yes, it sucks not having people to hang out with or go do things with (with exceptions to just a few people, and I have my reasons to not hang out with certain people as well). Although I feel like people have “given up on me”, I have not given up on myself, nor will I ever. Sometimes I like to tell myself this: it’s okay to just give up and lay down and forget everything going on, but eventually, stand back up and keep going. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Take a breather, relax and be stress free from my own thoughts and worries and try to stop asking myself all these unanswered questions.