I haven’t written in a little over 2 weeks. I had energy, the urge to be around friends and family and a sense of happiness for those 2 weeks. But today, mid morning, I suddenly felt angry and very depressed. I feel like I need a new job and that I’m not happy anymore and deserve better. It came on so suddenly and was triggered by nothing at all that I can pinpoint.
It occurs to me that I could write when I am having good days too but I tend to only reach out to write when I am in a bad place in my mind.
I want to run away and apply for jobs far away today. I want to hide in my house. I ate bad yesterday and this morning, maybe that triggered it. I know when I am losing weight I feel happier, like I’m doing something positive for myself (even if it’s just me not eating at all).
I have a general sense of exhaustion, my body feels tired, I feel mentally and emotionally drained. I left work early, I couldn’t stand to be around anyone and felt angry and short-fused. I wish I wasn’t this way, I wish my mood was associated with actual events and not seemingly random and uncontrollable. This makes me feel crazy. No wonder I have nobody to share my life with, I’ll sink them too.