Is this what my life comes too. The torture and the silence. A new day but I still feel the same. I wish it would end, of course not my life just the pain, which is actually my life. It feels calming when I do it. It feels like I will be okay, but I know the reality of the situation is that I wont. I let people in and this is what they do. No regard for life or for the future. They all lie in some sort of way or another. Life is about options this or that live or die, good or bad, happy or sad no in between. Where. Why. What. How many times am I too feel this pain, that I inflict on myself…well I do right? I am not sure. I cant keep speaking to this voice I have to silence it one day what about my child he’s better off. I’m pregnant but I cant get rid of it. too much pain, sorrow, agony. What to do, where to go. ALONE… for now forever maybe.