Out With The Old; In With The New

It’s scary to make big changes, especially when you add financial issues into the mix, but sometimes we need that change. We need to know that if you just do it, and you do it because YOU want to, it may just be the best decision you’ve ever made. And so I lead you into the reasoning behind this post. 

I’ve been going through some character issues this past while. Throughout my journey to self-finding I happened upon some oddly mind-opening ideas that have stuck with me. One of them being that I have to love myself before I can allow others to love me. Yes, I have heard this saying before, but it never resonated with me until now. Before I always thought that I did love myself and I tricked my mind into believing that I didn’t care what others thought and I was happy being me, but that’s not quite the case. 

Sure I didn’t get offended easily, but the saying goes deeper than that. Loving yourself is being okay with being by yourself, not needing to always be around others. Loving yourself is to be able to go see a movie alone, or experience something completely new to you by yourself and not feeling alone when you’re doing it. Loving yourself is to be okay with your body shape and not necessarily being happy all of the time and knowing you’re going to be alright in the the end. 

I dare you to mull over this: You have to love yourself before allowing others to love you. 

What does this mean to you?

Am I being clear? Do you understand? It’s tricky to put my feelings into words. The saying just resonates within me and I feel like I finally understand what it is trying to tell me. I am not just saying this to spread peace and love and whatever you believe I’m pushing onto you, I just want to help you understand how my thoughts lead up to the main event.

After reiterating and mulling over what that phrase meant and what I thought it meant, it dawned on me that, even though I had friends and a positive future, I’m not so sure if it’s the future I truly want. Not only that, but why even think about my future self right now. Why not just live in the present, in the here-and-now. What can I do now that will broaden my views of myself and my inner peace and happiness and open my outlook on all things. What can I do or change to make me feel like I have time to fully understand who I am and what I want? 

Let’s just pause for a second and think about what I am currently doing: I am enrolled in college, going to be a sophomore this coming fall. I have made many great friends and am part of a great organization. I’m majoring in premed to become a doctor and I have family near me who love me. My outer life is good, but it’s just not fulfilling my inner needs. If I make this drastic life change I have the chance of losing all of my new found friends and close family. If I make this change I have a higher possibility of feeling alone. But if I make this change I also have the chances of broadening my reach on life and forming new bonds with people who are going on the same journey as me. If I make this change I get the chance to fill the gap and love myself and who I am and not rely on electronics and others and really dig my roots deep into who I am.

So what do I plan on doing? What kind of change can be that drastic?

I want to go to Hawaii. I know absolutely no one there, I have never been to Hawaii (nor has my immediate family), so going there by myself is one of the daunting parts. I plan to work on a fruit farm on the main island. To some this may sound crazy, and I understand that. Why drop everything and move to work on a farm? And why Hawaii? Hawaii is warm year round with a constant supply of fruits and veggies, which sounds amazing to me. I found a particular farm that will allow me to work four hours and day, everyday, in exchange for a place to live and food. The rest of the day I can do with as I please. (I planned on continuing my education there as well)

I realize that Hawaii isn’t always beautiful and perfect, I know it rains and is humid and can get nasty, but you’ll have weather situations anywhere you go. I understand the insects and animals will be completely different from what I’m used to. I realize how much work I’ll be doing and how much effort I’ll be putting in to live every day, but I’m excited to experience a whole new culture and way of life. I’m excited to find myself while partaking in this new adventure, and even if I end up not liking it, I don’t have to do it forever – it’s not a permanent situation. I’ve alway been told to go off of what my guts says, and it’s telling me this is what I need.

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