The scars on my arm I see everyday. I wish I didn’t have to see them. I wish I didn’t have this issue of cutting. The scars I see everyday the things that come in my head when I see them. I think back to the times where I was numb and wanted to feel something. I see the scars of where I did them cuz I hurt someone so I wanted to hurt myself to know the pain I caused them. Even though I know it’s not the same I still wanted to hurt myself to make up for the pain I caused them. I see the scars of when I was just bored and had nothing to do. I hate seeing the scars I always have but I keep doing it. I keep cutting making more and more. Always the same area. They started to get deeper as time went on. I see them now and I hate them more. I’ve been hating since I started but I couldn’t stop. I tried but then thing triggered in my head to do it. I couldn’t control it like an addicted I would just do it. So many times I tried to stop but couldn’t. Sometimes I would cry afterwards. Usually though I would feel bad and wear long sleeves or anything to cover up the cuts. I wouldn’t want people to see the fresh marks but the scars would still be there. I would always try to play it off or change the subject when people asked. I knew they knew what I was doing. I just hated the scars. I wish I could take them away or never have done what I did. I look and see what I’ve done. I haven grown on that aspect of my life. This is where my Journey kinda starts with the scars. The cutting came first when I was young and never truly stopped. One day I hope it does one day I hope to have the scars covered up.
Trying to get back in the right track. I've hit rock bottom the last few months. I'm taking this a Journey in my life and writing things down as I go so that way I can see the progress and downfalls when there are some. I hope to make it where I should be soon but I know I got a long road a head of me.