Frightening Steps of An Otaku
Insecurities Cloud The Person We Are Supposed To Be
I’m a big fan of piano compositions especially the classical ones by Chopin, Mozart and Beethoven, but also the anime song compositions. There is this one pianist in YouTube named Theishter – Anime on Piano. He is absolutely an amazing person; the way he softly taps on the key and the way he does not bang his piano for the sounds he yearns for are perfect.
His thoughts and my thoughts are the same. Nowadays, to be crucially honest, I am afraid to be myself because people mistake me as someone else; “extremist“, “weeaboo“, “otaku” and “weirdo“. I often argue over who I am with people who I meet online and those who instantly judging me. For goodness’ sake, how I hate those words. It makes blood boil and my head ache, urging to punch them, but of course, violence is never the key to anything.
I don’t often watch anime, but I reading manga almost everyday. That’s a fact and people torment me because of that fact alone. People despise those who watch anime and read manga as entertainment only. I don’t live for anime neither do I live for manga. I use to say when I was younger, “No anime, no life“, “You haven’t lived when you haven’t watched anime” and all those silly quotes of mine. How stupid was I! I just blurted out those words because I thought anime and manga was absolutely awesome. It is true, but somehow it destroyed me.
You can say that I am pretty popular at school for being one of the top students, for being about the 7-time grand slam champion of chess and my specialty in sports, music and arts, but despite being those all, when they found out that I liked anime, they began to say bad things about me and all those otaku or just simple anime watchers out there. Comments like, “All those who watch anime are retards.“, “they have no freaking life”, “they cry over things that doesn’t exist”, hit me. Therefore, I began to ask myself, “Is anime that bad?” Thus, I tried to stop myself and tried being the person who they want me to be because I was afraid to be judged once again.
I protect myself, but that destroyed me even more.
“I’m such a moron and a coward.” I told myself, “I’m so weak.”
I replaced all my those with “I mean, they are just cartoons from Japan, right? Nothing be obsessed about”. I often tell myself.
I was controlled by people. I was a moron. I didn’t bother fighting for my belief because I know it will only get worse. I realized how wrong I was to hide myself. I was wrong because I was lying to myself and to the people who care about me. I often told them “I’m fine” on my worst days and “I don’t like anime.” I realized that anime is just another reality that the author wants to show us. You know how stories are based on theories, desires and imagination. I figured that those people who cursed at me probably lacked at that. They have no interests and I asked myself these questions:
Is it wrong to be yourself?
Is it wrong to like anime?
Is it wrong to be free?
If so, why was anime made?
What did the manga artists and the author want to portray? Is that anime is terrible?
What do those people who hate otaku have to do with you?
Isn’t this reality?
Why do I live in the shadows and follow those who are way more in the shadows?
Why do I run away as if it’s going to kill me?
It’s my life, is it not?
Why do other guys to rule my life out when it is mine?
People don’t know what it means to have an interest over something that gives you so much lessons. I want to make them realize that this thing called “cartoons”, “anime”, “manga” are something more, but I’m too afraid to be judge neither am I ready to take a leap of faith. But this guy, he just tells me that there is someone out there like me, hiding in the shadows and trying to remove something that has already been a part of me. The people who commented are the same. I learned to care about those who really matter and ignore those who bring you down. He told me just be me, no matter how I live. Don’t they usually say it in anime… “Live your life to fullest”.
He just inspires to play this wonderful instrument called the “piano” and to somehow be who I truly am.
“The point is, these negative opinions about us, about anime, about piano, will never go away. It just wont, because that’s how the world works. Instead, we should accept that these opinions exist, and we should be proud of our passion regardless. People can mock, scoff, and sneer at what we love, but they will not stop it.” He says and I guess, that is true. I don’t play the piano, but I do play another instrument. I was inspire to play that certain instrument because of an anime. It showed me that music could make people happy and I heard how music connects you to certain people. Music is truly wonderful; the sounds in symphony and the emotions it gives you. You just play it all over again when you want to hear it.
His piano tells it all, anyway; there are notes that ascend and descend, notes that feel sorrow and gives you a feel of motivation, whichever of those, it always was pleasant to my ears and never finishes beautifully, doesn’t it? I guess those notes were apart to finish to the song.
Here a link to the video: