Day 8 – New Day

Dear Ms. Cöt,

Today is a new day for me. When I woke up and remembered what happened yesterday my heart felt the ache, yet somehow, there’s peace.

Oh, you just just messaged me now, wow. This is new, I didn’t expect this, I thought you’re sleeping already.

(Brb, will talk to my dearest first … 9 minutes later …)

Okay, now I’m back. So apparently, she thought it was tomorrow already for she fell asleep the moment she arrived at her place. Hehe! She’s funny that way. And now, she’ll just wash and go back to sleep again.

Today, I was kind of focusing on the things I should be doing, and even though there are times I think of you, it’s more bearable now. You also suggested that we should video call today, and I didn’t accept the invitation and highlighted the importance of honoring the rules we’ve set. Any rules, once it’s broken, don’t expect that person to not break it again. Like clothes, any patched clothes can easily be torn apart compared to a new weaved clothe. You acknowledged it, agreed with me, and I went on with my day.

Later this afternoon, I was surprised with your message, you said that you were seen-zoned. So I was surprise. I didn’t know that I’m suppose to reply to your last message, I though that it was your reply to my earlier message, therefore, ending the conversation. When that happened, I was happy, because you were thinking of me, because you were waiting on me. And the fact that I didn’t do it on purpose makes my conscience clear. *satisfied smile*

Another sweet surprise is our almost whole day conversation in messenger, and you are the one talking to me. I liked it. If only we could be like this every day. *sigh* Who knows what will happen tomorrow. Anyway, let tomorrow worry itself. I also have tomorrow’s task to focus on. 🙂

I know that the peace I have in my heart right now, is not because I told myself that I’ll move on from you, or told myself that I’ll get myself busy so I won’t think of you. No. This peace transcends my own understanding. I’ve embraced the fact that I’ll always miss you, and also the fact that there are things I have to do even if I misses you. I just finally decided to do the things I need to do so the business won’t get stuck. So, I’m thankful to God. He answered my prayer. And I know that it’s because of His intervention, by giving me this peace, that I’m able to stand right now without breaking down.

I love you, Ms. Cöt. I will always do. And when it comes to missing you, I still miss you terribly. But I’m thankful to God that it’s now tolerable. I can go on with my life embracing these truths. Accepting also the fact that there’s a possibility that you will fall out of love, yet, embracing also the truth that I know you still love me. And if someday (which I hope won’t come) my greatest fear comes to life, your actions towards me won’t dictate my love for you. The fact that you once loved me and I love you, are truths I will hold on close to my heart. But still, I don’t want that to happen, as much as possible.

Okay, it’s time to rest and end the day. I hope you’ll feel wonderful and restful, all perked up when you wake up. 🙂


Red Panda

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